Wife: "What is the most stressful activity now that you are retired?" Husband: "Counting! I hate counting how many PILLS I have to take each morning."
Wife: "Anything worse than that?"
Husband: "Yes. Counting how many BILLS I have to pay because there isn't much money left in the bank!
SHORT TERM AND LONG TERM MEMORY LOSS
Patient: "I always remember things that happened long ago, but nothing that happened 5 minutes ago."
Doctor: "Tell me more." Patient: "They keep telling me that I ate but I don't remember eating." "They keep telling me that I am 91 but I know I am only 21 years old."
It Hurts All OVER!
Max, a retired guy complains to his doctor: "Doc, I am having pains on my left side. It hurts.” He gestured the left side of his body.
The doctor replies, “OK. Lift up your arm.” The doctor patted his body and took out a huge wad of bank notes.
The doctor is shocked and asks: "Do you sleep with these?" The guy jumps up in agony, “Aw, Awww…Someone took my money!!!”
ZING! One-liners Question: When do retirees have the biggest smile?
Answer: When they receive their pension checks.
Question: What do retirees love to talk about?
Answer: Once upon a time, when I was your age…
Question: When don’t retirees mind showing off their age?
Answer: When you start jumping lines and getting senior discounts.
